The Biggest Mistake We Make Before September (And It's Not Buying the School Shoes)
It's that time of the summer holidays when it starts creeping in.
You see the school uniform adverts.
The supermarket aisles suddenly fill with lunchboxes and pencil cases.
Friends begin talking about getting back into routines.
And without even realising it, your mind starts jumping ahead to September.
For many families, that's exciting.
For others, it brings a knot in your stomach.
If your child has found school overwhelming this year, September can feel less like a fresh start and more like a countdown.
You might be asking yourself...
"Should I start getting them back into routine?"
"Should I be talking about school?"
"What if everything falls apart again?"
"How do I know if they're ready?"
These are completely understandable questions.
But over the years, I've noticed one mistake that many of us make—and I include professionals in this too.
We spend lots of time preparing children for school, but very little time preparing the child. There's a really important difference.
We prepare the practical things...
We buy the uniform.
We check the shoes still fit.
We order the stationery.
We sort the school bag.
We practise bedtime routines.
We talk about getting back into a routine.
All of those things have their place.
But if a child's body still associates school with overwhelm, fear, exhaustion or distress, no amount of new stationery is going to change that feeling.
Because behaviour doesn't start with the timetable.
It starts with how safe the child feels.
Imagine this for a moment...
Imagine someone asked you to give a presentation in front of 500 people tomorrow.
Now imagine someone said,
"Don't worry—we've bought you a lovely new outfit."
It might be a beautiful outfit.
But it doesn't change how your body feels.
Your heart still races.
Your tummy still churns.
Your mind still fills with worry.
You haven't become more prepared—you've simply got new clothes.
For many children, that's exactly what can happen in August.
We focus on preparing everything around them, but we forget to prepare what matters most. Their sense of safety.
"Should I even mention school?"
This is probably one of the biggest questions parents ask me.
There isn't one right answer because every child is different.
Some children want to know exactly what's happening.
Others become overwhelmed if school is mentioned too early.
Rather than asking,
"When should I talk about school?"
Try asking,
"What happens in my child's body when school is mentioned?"
Do they become quiet?
Do they leave the room?
Do they become angry?
Do they ask lots of questions?
Do they seem curious?
Their response tells you far more than any parenting book ever could.
Recovery comes before readiness.
This is something I wish every family knew.
Readiness isn't about whether your child can put their shoes on.
It's about whether their body is beginning to feel safe enough to cope with what's being asked of it.
That doesn't mean every child will feel completely calm by September.
Many won't.
But there are things we can do to help build safety rather than unintentionally increasing pressure.
Five gentle ways to prepare without adding more pressure
1. Keep talking about life—not just school.
When school becomes the focus of every conversation, it can begin to feel even bigger.
Make time to talk about the things your child loves.
Their latest game.
Their favourite programme.
The dog.
The holiday.
The funny thing that happened yesterday.
Connection always comes before difficult conversations.
2. Begin rebuilding predictable rhythms.
Notice I haven't said rigid routines.
There's a difference.
Our bodies like knowing what comes next.
You might begin eating meals at similar times.
Gradually bring bedtime a little earlier if needed.
Keep mornings calm where possible.
Small rhythms often feel much safer than sudden changes.
3. Think about what helped—not just what was hard.
Take a few minutes to reflect on the last school year.
Ask yourself:
When did my child seem most settled?
Who helped them feel safe?
Which parts of the day were hardest?
What made things more difficult?
What seemed to help?
Those observations become incredibly valuable when you're planning for September.
4. Remember that schools don't know what they don't know.
One of the biggest worries I hear is,
"I'm not sure they'll understand."
Sometimes they won't.
Not because they don't care, but because they simply haven't seen what you've seen.
This is why clear communication matters.
Sharing what you've noticed over the summer, explaining what has helped and working collaboratively gives school a much better chance of supporting your child effectively.
You are the expert in your child.
Your observations matter.
5. Don't wait until the first day back.
If there are meetings to arrange, emails to send or conversations to have, try to begin those before September starts where possible.
It often feels much easier to think clearly now than when emotions are running high during the first week back.
What if your child says they don't want to go back?
Firstly...
Take a breath.
You don't need to have all the answers in that moment.
It's easy to jump straight into reassurance.
"It'll be fine."
"You'll enjoy it once you're there."
"You've got to go."
Those responses come from a place of love.
We want to make things better.
But sometimes our child simply needs to know that we've heard them.
Instead, you might say,
"It sounds like thinking about school is bringing up some really big feelings."
Or,
"I'm really glad you've told me. Let's try and work out together what's making it feel so hard."
When children feel understood, they're much more likely to keep talking.
And when they keep talking, we have a much better chance of understanding what they actually need.
Remember...
The goal isn't to create a child who isn't worried.
The goal is to create a child who feels supported through those worries.
That's a very different thing.
Before September arrives...
Instead of asking,
"How do I get my child ready for school?"
Perhaps we could ask,
"How do I help my child feel a little safer than they did yesterday?"
Because safety grows through lots of small experiences.
A trusted relationship.
A predictable rhythm.
Feeling listened to.
Knowing someone understands.
Being given time.
Those things don't just prepare children for September.
They prepare them for life.
You're invited...
If reading this has left you thinking,
"I wish I knew exactly how to support my child over the next few weeks,"
I'd love to invite you to join my free live parent workshop:
Together we'll explore practical, realistic ways to support your child as the new school term approaches, helping you understand what they may need, how to reduce unnecessary pressure and how to approach September with greater confidence.
📅 Thursday 13th August
🕙 10:00am (UK time)
Can't make it live?
Don't worry, the recording will be available to everyone who registers.
You don't have to figure this out on your own.
Sometimes, having someone walk alongside you can make all the difference.
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