"But They're Just Playing Games All Day..." Understanding What Recovery Really Looks Like

One of the comments I hear the most during the summer holidays is...

"All they're doing is lying in bed or playing on the Xbox."

It's usually followed by a worried look, a sigh, and then the question...

"Should I be making them do more?"

If I'm honest, I completely understand why parents ask this.

We're surrounded by messages telling us that children should be out making memories, trying new activities, keeping busy and making the most of every minute of the holidays.

Scroll through social media and it can feel like everyone else's children are climbing mountains, visiting theme parks and having the "perfect" summer.

Meanwhile, your child is still in their pyjamas at lunchtime, doesn't want to leave the house and has absolutely no interest in the day out you've spent hours planning.

It can leave you wondering if you're doing something wrong.

But what if I told you that, for many children, doing less is exactly what their body needs?

Sometimes we forget just how much children have carried through the school year.

When we look at a child lying on the sofa with a games controller in their hand, it's easy to assume they're simply being lazy.

But children who have spent months masking, coping with overwhelming environments, navigating friendships, managing sensory overload or feeling anxious about school have often been working incredibly hard in ways that aren't visible to the outside world.

Imagine spending six or seven hours every day in an environment where your body rarely feels settled.

Where the lights are too bright.

The classroom is too noisy.

You're constantly trying to understand what's expected of you.

You're working hard to hide how overwhelmed you feel because you desperately don't want anyone to notice.

Then you come home and do it all again the next day.

Week after week.

Month after month.

That takes an enormous amount of energy.

By the time summer arrives, many children's bodies are simply saying,

"I can't keep going like this anymore."

Recovery doesn't always look productive.

This is probably one of the hardest things for us as adults to accept.

We like to see progress.

We like routines.

We like feeling as though we're moving forwards.

Recovery, however, doesn't always look productive.

Sometimes it looks like sleeping until ten o'clock.

Sometimes it looks like watching the same programme over and over again.

Sometimes it looks like spending three hours building a Minecraft world.

Sometimes it looks like saying "no" to another day out.

Sometimes it looks like staying close to home because that's where your child feels safest.

None of those things necessarily mean your child is going backwards.

In fact, they may be signs that their body has finally found enough safety to begin switching off from months of survival.

But what about screens?

Let's talk about the question I know many of you are already thinking.

"Surely they can't spend all summer on screens?"

I don't believe screens are the enemy.

I also don't believe they're always the answer.

Instead of asking,

"How do I get them off the Xbox?"

I wonder if we could ask,

"What is the Xbox giving them that they aren't getting somewhere else?"

For some children it's predictability.

For others it's control.

Some use gaming to stay connected with friends without the pressure of face-to-face interaction.

Others enjoy the sense of achievement that school has taken away from them.

For some, it's simply somewhere their brain can rest because the rules make sense.

Once we understand the purpose, we can begin thinking about how to gently widen their world rather than taking away the one thing that's currently helping them feel safe.

Recovery isn't about removing everything.

One mistake I see quite often is that families feel they need to completely change everything over the summer.

The screen time has to stop.

The routine has to improve.

They need to go out more.

They need to socialise.

They need to become "ready" for September.

The difficulty with this approach is that it often asks children to give more when their body has very little left to give.

Recovery isn't about taking away the things that help children feel safe.

It's about gradually adding experiences that help them feel safe in other ways too.

That might be sitting in the garden together for ten minutes.

Walking to the end of the street for an ice cream.

Helping you bake their favourite biscuits.

Playing cards before bed.

Visiting somewhere quiet instead of somewhere busy.

Having a picnic somewhere they can leave whenever they need to.

Little by little, those experiences begin to rebuild confidence without overwhelming the child.

One of the biggest shifts you can make this summer is changing the question.

Instead of asking,

"How do I get my child to do more?"

Try asking,

"What does my child need from me today?"

Some days they might need encouragement.

Some days they might need rest.

Some days they might need company without conversation.

Some days they might surprise you and ask to go out.

The more we learn to notice those differences, the easier it becomes to respond to the child in front of us rather than the child we think they should be.

Please don't measure recovery by how busy your child is.

I think this is something every parent needs to hear.

A child who has filled every day of the summer holidays with activities isn't necessarily recovering.

Equally, a child who spends lots of time resting isn't necessarily struggling.

Recovery is far better measured by the little moments we often overlook.

Maybe they're laughing more often.

Maybe they're sleeping more peacefully.

Maybe they're joining you downstairs for breakfast.

Maybe they're talking a little more.

Maybe they're coping better with a change of plan.

Maybe they're asking to go to the park for ten minutes when six weeks ago they wouldn't leave the house.

Those are the moments worth celebrating.

They're easy to miss because they're small, but they're often the first signs that your child's body is beginning to feel safer.

Be kind to yourself too.

I know how hard it is to carry the worry of wondering what September will bring.

It's natural to want to spend the summer getting your child "ready."

But sometimes the kindest thing we can do—for them and for ourselves—is to stop trying to rush recovery.

Children don't recover because we push harder.

They recover because they experience enough moments of safety, connection, understanding and rest that their body slowly begins to believe it doesn't have to stay in survival mode all the time.

That takes time.

It takes patience.

And it takes adults who are willing to look beneath behaviour and become curious about what their child is experiencing.

You don't need to have all the answers.

You just need to keep showing up, one small step at a time.

If you'd like someone to walk alongside you this summer...

That's exactly why I created the Summer Pocket Coach.

Every weekday you'll receive a Daily Recovery Coach message straight to your phone with practical ideas, simple explanations and realistic strategies that fit around family life.

No pressure.

No judgement.

Just specialist support to help you understand your child and gently support their recovery throughout the summer holidays.

Because sometimes it's not about finding the perfect strategy.

It's about having someone remind you that you're not alone—and that recovery is possible.